The Chaser!

Hello My Readers!!!

Yes it has been a minute but I am back!!! I have been pushed to start a discussion about The Chaser! Now when I reference "The Chaser" I'm talking about the chaser in a courtship between two people. Anyway I sent out an email blast to male and female friends, co-workers, and family to get as many opinions as I could on this topic.While probing the minds of many of the outspoken people that happened to be included on my email,  I have found that many of their ideas of whom should be the chaser in a courtship took me by surprise. The response was hilarious to me! In a good way!!

I'd have to say that I was very surprised by the fact that I thought that everyone would have the same idea which would be that the man should be the chaser......Well, while I did get a few people that believe that, I received more responses where people thought that either both parties should be the chaser at some point during the "getting to know" phase or that whichever person is the most interested in the other person should be the chaser. Boy was I surprised.

Many of the men alluded to how they felt that although a man should show interest in a women if he is indeed interested, he should not have to chase her. That chasing her is only a process of trying to prove to her that he is worthy of her time and energy and if that is the case shouldn't a women be proving the same thing? I had to laugh. My first thought was do I know these people that are making these ridiculous comments....yes, yes I do. 

Many of the women also surprised me. I was 100% confident that my ladies would share the same thought that I did, which is that a man is suppose to pursue. Well nope, that was not the case. While some shared my thought a surprising number of them explained the process of chasing as something in the past....(I was confused and laughed again.) As one of my email recipients wrote (Let me inform you of something.) So I was INFORMED that men do not want to put in the work of chasing a woman only to find out that she was not worth chasing. Another female was adamant that woman needed to go after what and who they wanted without being "thirsty." Her logic was if a woman is interested then why not? I'll keep my thoughts as to "why not" to myself for now.....No I won't

I think....no I KNOW a man should be the chaser in a courtship for many reasons. A man is suppose to go and find his wife this requires action.Proverbs 18:22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. A man being the pursuer is the proper thing to do. My nature a man is a hunter. They like a challenge and have to work for things for them to be appreciated.  It kills me when a man can let the phrase "Let a man be a man" roll of his tongue without any thought behind it, but when it's time to do so they don't want to put in the work. Give me a break! I guess that phrase should really be "Let a man be a man......when it's convenient for him." 

My question to you is:

Should the man, woman, or both parties do the chasing in a courtship

Do Friends Make for Better Lover?!?!?! **Courtesy of Jayno**

Well here we go! This is a topic that I have been interested to get people's take on for a while....It's just now hitting close to home!!

Have you ever had that one person that has just always been around? You know the one that was always in your life but timing was all wrong? You were going down one path and they were going down another path? But then something changes and you find that you are both on the same page at the same time? I'm talking about friends that have always had an interest in each other, but never let it anything happen. Well that's what I have the pleasure of witnessing right now! Two people that have know each other for years and are now exploring the option of something more! :)

So I pose the questions; Do Friends Make for Better Lovers? Or should friends stay in the friend lane for the sake of the friendship?

Is Cheating More Accepted In The World We Live In Today?

Have we entered into a time where cheating has become so much of the norm that some of us have conditioned ourselves to believe that cheating is okay in certain situations?

I haven’t come across anyone that has admitted to having an open relationship or that has said straight up “I let my significant other cheat.” I have however, come across people that have said things like “As long as I don’t see him/her cheating, then I’m okay with that,” or “A man will be a man.” I’ve even heard the justification that “Everybody cheats,” Which indicates to me that cheating is accepted in that relationship.

Is it true, does everyone cheat? Is cheating better if you never find out about it? Are there different levels of cheating?  Also would you handle a boyfriend/girlfriend cheating differently than a husband/wife cheating?

For those of you in relationships, how do you feel about your partner stepping out on you? Is it accepted to some degree? How about if you guys are "taking time apart" does that make it okay then? What about those of you NOT currently in a relationship. Would you deal with someone that you KNEW was in a relationship? I mean if you really think about it, YOUR not the cheating!!!

What are your thoughts on the whole cheating in relationships in general?

Heartbreak!

Who recovers better from heartbreak Men or Women?

Many of us have had the unfortunate feeling of having our hearts broken. Some of us were able to put the pieces back together and give this “love” thing another try. Other’s (men) in my opinion have let the feeling of heartbreak completely take away their efforts to fall in love again. It seems to me that men have a harder time dealing with and getting over a broken heart.

Recently my friend Dave was faced with the fact that his girl of 5 years was cheating on him. It hit him like a ton of bricks! He didn't see it coming because in his mind they were on a break and working on getting their relationship back on track. Dave has now self proclaimed himself to be a playa! He's even said to me that he'll never let another women hurt him again. He's just gonna "have fun." Dave is not my only male friend that feels this way. I have another friend, Markus that was hurt by a woman years ago. He still hasn't been in another relationship since then. He's dated some decent women, but he won't allow himself to take it to the next level with the fear of getting hurt......AGAIN.

It's no secret that men deal with heartbreak differently than how women deal with heartbreak. Women deal with the pain right away. Women have the luxury of being able to release their emotions of sadness, hurt, and pain amongst their close friends and family, which allows us to work our way through the process. A man's not gonna pick up the phone and call their homeboy and cry and complain about their girl and how she’s hurt him. So they are left with having to put on a front of being ok even though they aren't. They keep busy, hang out, meet other women to make it appear that things are all good, but at the end of the day they are still left with all the hurt and pain with no release/or outlet. Women, can you imagine having your heart broken by the man of your dreams and not having anywhere to turn to express your hurt, sadness, and confusion? I couldn't. 

Yes, women are naturally more emotional than men, which may make it seem like we take heartbreak harder, but in all honesty a man never really deals with the pain of being hurt. This is why I believe once a man is heartbroken; they condition themselves not to give 100% in future relationships, not to say they don’t move on and love again, but they never fully let their guard down to truly FALL in love again.

It's funny when you think about it! When women deal with heartbreak we somehow find a way to not only get over it and move on. We also allow ourselves to truly give love a chance in the future. With a man it's not that easy. When a man gets his heat broken he vows to never let it happen again, he deems all women as no good and he conditions himself to never fall in love again. This type of behavior leads to some men being emotionally unavailable for the next women. They somehow think that they only get one chance at love and since that didn't work; it's no need to try again because the pain of heart ache is too much. This way of thinking ultimately never allows a man to truly recover from heartbreak thus never fully giving his heart completely to anyone else!

What are your thoughts? Do you think men and women deal with heartbreak the same? Do you think people allow heartbreak to hinder them from truly loving in the future?

No Strings Attached :)

No Strings Attached - A term that means no other conditions (other than sex) is implied! A No Strings Attached relationship is different from a one night stand. A one night stand is just that. You do the do ONCE and leave it at that. No Strings Attached is when you agree that you both want a sexual relationship that will continue beyond one night, but will turn into anything more than sex. But is this really possible? I recently watched the movie "No Strings Attached," and started thinking about if it was really possible to have a No Strings Attached Arrangement! This  has also been a topic amongst my friends (guys and girls) and I for a while. We are kind of split down the middle. Some say of course it's possible,you just have to have rules to it and a cut off date when the arrangement ends, after all it's only sex. Others say, hell no it's not possible. Sex is an intimate thing that changes how people feel toward each other especially if it's with the same person on a regular basis. At some point during your arrangement you guys are gonna find something you like about each other that connects you and somebody's going to catch feelings. Some of my friends are like me and are not sure if they think it's actually possible or not.

I'm not actually sure if I think it's possible or not. I still question certain things like if it's different for a man than it is for a women? How long can you have this arrangement before somebody does catch feelings? What if one person wants to stop and the other doesn't then what? Can you have a no strings attached arrangement ONLY if you are both single, how does it work if only one of you are in a relationship? I'm just not sure which side I can agree with just yet. So even though I'm not sure if I believe that a No Strings Attached arrangement is possible without things getting complicated, I do however think that if both people can handle the situation it can be a very exciting thing!

No Strings Attached.......Is it Possible?

Dating!

What happened to the days when a guy would come and pick you up to take you to a nice dinner where you guys could talk and get to know each other, or at least what they wanted you to know about them and vice versa? What happened to the late night phone calls vs the quick text messages or a message on your Facebook wall? What in the hell has happened to actually dating before jumping into a relationship? Meaning tons of people are now caught up doing relationship thing without even being in a relationship. We have reached a point where dating is limited. It's gotten to the point that after a few conversations or a few times seeing a person a sexual relationship has started. People are starting to skip over the whole dating process and moving straight into a relationship without calling it a relationship and finding themselves in a situation they never wanted. Some people are built for this type of thing and some people are not.

Many people have very different ideas of what dating is. This can actually cause major confusion between two people if they have not clearly communicated what dating is to each of them, but let's be real who really does that anymore? Who really communicates about dating? Most women are afraid to even utter anything close to sounding like we are asking for a commitment with the fear that if they do, the guy is going to go running for the hills and nobody wants that, especially if the woman thinks he's a good dude. Then you have men that will go as long as they possible can without putting a label on anything. What are the chances are they are going to bring up the topic?

So when do you consider yourself dating someone? Is if after one date, two dates, how about three dates? Is it after you have established a sexually relationship with a person? Once you have considered yourself dating someone, should you not date other people? Wouldn't this be called a relationship?

The burning question is WHAT IS DATING? HAS YOUR IDEA OF DATING CHANGED FROM WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER?

Ready.Set.Leggo!

Hello and welcome to my  world!

I am a fabulous single mother of 1 who's recently opened up to the idea of dating again. I have been single now for almost two years. I'd like to think of it as a much needed mental vacation that I didn't know I needed!

During the last two years I have met a number of interesting men/boys but nothing really turned into anything. I began to question myself and what I was really looking for. Of course I talked my issues and concerns over with my girls! Interesting enough all my friends had the same response that I was choosing men that I was not truly interested in in order to protect my heart! This got me thinking and as I thought about it, I realized they were right!!! It was easy to date the men that I clearly knew had no potential to be anything long term because of my fear of being hurt again. Well I am here to tell you, the lonely nights, the Saturday night pizza party for 1 is NOW OVER!

I have given myself a challenge to put my fears behind and get out there and explore the dating world! My goal is to meet a wide range of guys that I feel a connection to, be open minded about EVERYTHING, try things I've never tried before, have a good time, and just see where this process takes me.

My challenge begins now......STAY TUNED