What happened to the days when a guy would come and pick you up to take you to a nice dinner where you guys could talk and get to know each other, or at least what they wanted you to know about them and vice versa? What happened to the late night phone calls vs the quick text messages or a message on your Facebook wall? What in the hell has happened to actually dating before jumping into a relationship? Meaning tons of people are now caught up doing relationship thing without even being in a relationship. We have reached a point where dating is limited. It's gotten to the point that after a few conversations or a few times seeing a person a sexual relationship has started. People are starting to skip over the whole dating process and moving straight into a relationship without calling it a relationship and finding themselves in a situation they never wanted. Some people are built for this type of thing and some people are not.
Many people have very different ideas of what dating is. This can actually cause major confusion between two people if they have not clearly communicated what dating is to each of them, but let's be real who really does that anymore? Who really communicates about dating? Most women are afraid to even utter anything close to sounding like we are asking for a commitment with the fear that if they do, the guy is going to go running for the hills and nobody wants that, especially if the woman thinks he's a good dude. Then you have men that will go as long as they possible can without putting a label on anything. What are the chances are they are going to bring up the topic?
So when do you consider yourself dating someone? Is if after one date, two dates, how about three dates? Is it after you have established a sexually relationship with a person? Once you have considered yourself dating someone, should you not date other people? Wouldn't this be called a relationship?
The burning question is WHAT IS DATING? HAS YOUR IDEA OF DATING CHANGED FROM WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER?
This is actually a really good topic and a good question. I think dating these days is whatever you make it. However, when you're "dating" you have to insist on what you want from the beginning and give the other person a reason to "date" you rather than just falling into something if that's what you want. By that I mean, if you want to go on traditional dates, let the guy know and don't just go for hanging out around the house, facebooking everyday or randomly hooking up every now and then (or whatever that more casual definition may be). If a guy can get to know you without the whole to-do of dressing up or planning a day and paying money he probably will, but if he's interested and he knows that's the only way to get to you then that's what he'll do. I'd like to think that any decent caliber guy, especially at this stage in our lives, will automatically do the traditional thing because he knows that's what's expected and leave that other stuff for a younger, less capabale crowd. In any event, I would consider myself dating someone if we've been on multiple dates (real dates, planned in advance, out of the house) and are both open to more dates, regardless of the sexual status of the relationship. And yes, you can date multiple people at once, because dating does not automatically make an exclusive relationship and having sex with someone that you're cool with/hanging out with does not automatically mean you're dating. Whichever way you do it, it's always best to define it at every stage so there's no confusion.
ReplyDeleteGood points Stephanie and we would ALL like to think that any decent guy will automatically do the traditional thins, but that's not always true. I totally agree with you about defining your stage is a good idea, it causes less confusion. I have seen many times before two people "hanging out" for a long period of time and one person thinks they are exclusively dating and the other person thinks they are just "hanging out" because nobody bothered to define what they were doing. Of course it takes time to get to know a person before you jump out there with "Where do we stand" I'm just saying once things get to a certain level and you think you may want more or less, it's time to talk about it.
ReplyDeleteExample: I was TALKING to this guy for maybe two months. We went out a few time but talked on the phone a few times a week. Well in my mind we were just hanging out so I was getting to know other people. Well one day he asked me to hang out after work. I told the dude I had plans. He inquired and I told him I was hanging out with a friend. To my damn surprise he starts questioning me like I was his woman. Who, What, Where, Why? OH HELL NO! I said Sir I am an adult I don't have to explain myself to you. Later I realized that he thought that we were exclusive. Even though we hadn't had a conversation about our status AT ALL. I also realized that he was more into me than I was into him because I had really been into him and the roles were reversed then I'm sure I would have felt a certain kind of way too. LOL
Great Topic, I think the economy plays a slight role in the lack of dating.
ReplyDeleteHowever; men should be aware that there are tons of free things to do.
And I totally agree with Stephanie- us ladies have to be up front from the jump, letting them know what we desire.
Believe it or not the game has been the same for decades. We meet a guy, fall for him because he's said a few nice words and before you realize panties off and legs in the air. End result happily ever after is a full blown disaster! Whats happened to the men we use to call gentle men. Their still here hidden behind the men with the fake me out flowers and eyes of pure sin we like to call thugs. While we play footsie with the man I like to call player under the table. The one who wraps us in his arms like a synphony of sweet chocolates and then breaks the bad news to us...or rather we find out that we were the fools playing the music to loud to hear his infidelities. The only music he hears is the only one he was dancing with on stage...dancing to our song. Oh and please let us not forget the reason why we have started this rant in the beginning the "mommas boy" hidden away in his mothers womb, awaiting to make a commitment but not before mom feels like it's time for her baby to spread his wings and fly. Yes, my friend the real men are out there we're just not looking for him and the idea of a relationship while so simplistic to us has caused men to loose their damn minds. Yes we may fall in love quickly but thats how we are made to nurture to love instantly after all isnt that what we do when we have children. Has dating changed yes, while indeed as my friend stated previously economic times, but is it really in the great depression some men were still being romantic and doing special things for their women with no money. I think its pure laziness. Men dont want to be creative any more, to treat a woman as she needs to be treated. While not all the few we have cant please all the women of the world. Yes I feel like our mothers fed us false dreams of meeting Mr. Right while have some women that have raised me to be totally needy of a woman. Dependent to the point where some dont even want to work. Our worlds have been over powered by Mr. Right finding us that we havent raised our boys to be that type of man...or shall I say some of us have not. So, while I still hold on to the thought that one man will one day come and sweep me off my feet I seriously doubt it! Hope I answered your question once I get into it something takes over! lol! I need Mr. Right...Right away!
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