Many of us have had the unfortunate feeling of having our hearts broken. Some of us were able to put the pieces back together and give this “love” thing another try. Other’s (men) in my opinion have let the feeling of heartbreak completely take away their efforts to fall in love again. It seems to me that men have a harder time dealing with and getting over a broken heart.
Recently my friend Dave was faced with the fact that his girl of 5 years was cheating on him. It hit him like a ton of bricks! He didn't see it coming because in his mind they were on a break and working on getting their relationship back on track. Dave has now self proclaimed himself to be a playa! He's even said to me that he'll never let another women hurt him again. He's just gonna "have fun." Dave is not my only male friend that feels this way. I have another friend, Markus that was hurt by a woman years ago. He still hasn't been in another relationship since then. He's dated some decent women, but he won't allow himself to take it to the next level with the fear of getting hurt......AGAIN.
It's no secret that men deal with heartbreak differently than how women deal with heartbreak. Women deal with the pain right away. Women have the luxury of being able to release their emotions of sadness, hurt, and pain amongst their close friends and family, which allows us to work our way through the process. A man's not gonna pick up the phone and call their homeboy and cry and complain about their girl and how she’s hurt him. So they are left with having to put on a front of being ok even though they aren't. They keep busy, hang out, meet other women to make it appear that things are all good, but at the end of the day they are still left with all the hurt and pain with no release/or outlet. Women, can you imagine having your heart broken by the man of your dreams and not having anywhere to turn to express your hurt, sadness, and confusion? I couldn't.
Yes, women are naturally more emotional than men, which may make it seem like we take heartbreak harder, but in all honesty a man never really deals with the pain of being hurt. This is why I believe once a man is heartbroken; they condition themselves not to give 100% in future relationships, not to say they don’t move on and love again, but they never fully let their guard down to truly FALL in love again.
It's funny when you think about it! When women deal with heartbreak we somehow find a way to not only get over it and move on. We also allow ourselves to truly give love a chance in the future. With a man it's not that easy. When a man gets his heat broken he vows to never let it happen again, he deems all women as no good and he conditions himself to never fall in love again. This type of behavior leads to some men being emotionally unavailable for the next women. They somehow think that they only get one chance at love and since that didn't work; it's no need to try again because the pain of heart ache is too much. This way of thinking ultimately never allows a man to truly recover from heartbreak thus never fully giving his heart completely to anyone else!
What are your thoughts? Do you think men and women deal with heartbreak the same? Do you think people allow heartbreak to hinder them from truly loving in the future?
I do agree that heartbreak for a man vs. a woman, can be quite a dichotomy. However, I cannot speak for the entire clan either way. I believe, it mainly stems from the different ways we tend to deal with intrinsic emotions and how we individually view devotion from a partner. The subject can get quite interesting. Simply because when most young boys, observe older men deal with heartbreak most time it will have a resounding effect on how he should respond to this emotion.
ReplyDeleteMost boys are taught by men to show strength in all things; to be that rock. On the other hand, the practicality of this male process, as it pertains to betrayal, is slightly flawed. As human beings, we all need to quickly release feelings of sadness and betrayal, or it could fester, and we'll be some hateful azz individuals; individuals looking to get you before you can get them as "Single Sista" had earlier stated. Like my man NAS say: "Pressure bust pipes".
However, there is that woman that comes along after while, with the natural ability, to change a mans whole perspective in the way she attends to his heart. "And that's my that with that...Single Sista!"
I dont believe it's different for either ... Feelings r the same for everyone, the only thing thats different is how one deals with them ... My personal opinion is that finding "True Love" is worth everytime my heart has been broken, So I will continue to search for the "Real Thing"...I believe we wouldn't kno the real with out experiencing the fake ...
ReplyDelete@Carlos & @Jayno - It's refreshing to still know that a man has an open heart to receive true love and hasn't give up on believing that it's still out here. I would like to ask both of you a question though. Carlos you mentioned that there is a women that can come along that can change a man's whole perspective and Jayno you mentioned that you are still searching for the "Real Thing." It sounds to me that the both of you have experienced heart break in some form, my question is; Since you have both felt the paid of heartbreak, do you honestly think that YOU can give the same love to a women that comes along that you deem worthy, as you did before you experienced being brokenhearted? Do you think that you love differently after heartbreak?
ReplyDeleteI believe that I could, Only because their is only one Love language with many interpretations When it come to a courtship or marriage . You either Love some one or you dont .... This is where you start to enter in to the 3 types of Love. Eros being intimate, Philos being Brotherly, And Agape unconditional .... Because i kno the meanings of love i understand that in order for me to have the relationship that i want, I have to embody and shower who ever that women is in the fullness of Eros Love .... Or I would would be depriving her of True Love .... Did I take it to far ???? LoL
ReplyDeleteDave was probably a playa all along! Lol. But yes I do believe people allow heartbreak to hinder them from future relationships
ReplyDelete@Jayno - I love it! LOL
ReplyDelete@ Anonymous - LOL......I wonder?
Awww poor Dave.
ReplyDeleteWell Single Sista, in fact, I have experienced heartbreak quite recently. However, for me in my wiser years, I would not love the next any less. If anything, the heartbreak I experienced filled me with a desire to love more immensely on every level of love. I still and will forever believe in love, because God is love.
ReplyDeleteAs for the next, and hopefully final partner,I will open the Floodgates of love; holding back nothing, and put this past heartbreak behind me. It would be absolutely unjust of me to hold back any amount of love from another who's giving me their all, in turn. I still believe in Love and 50 Year Anniversary's with the Great-Grandkids calling my Beautiful Wife "Big Mama"!
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ReplyDeleteI think a broken heart doesn't recognize genders. Your decision to get over it or get pass it is your readiness to move on. So yes Males & Females deal with it the same. In addition I believe equally Males & Females allow their past relationship to hinder them loving in the future. As far as who deals with it better, I assume Men does, I think they are less likely to recover as fast as a female (meaning starting up a new relationship). So it appears that Men are still heartbroken where as they aren't because they allow their selves ample amount of time for the hearts to mend. Where females on the other hand will move on and start a new relationship, but deep down the female hasn't fully recovered from the heart break. She just chooses to pick up the pieces and keeps it moving, all the while deep down inside she is still heartbroken. That’s why Females are tagged as having baggage. NI
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